“When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.” – Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel

By Ron Sinclair

Kindness isn’t hard to find unless you don’t look for it. People who think they are intelligent seem to be everywhere, and their convictions can make it difficult for them to be kind. Or perhaps my own impatience with what my dad used to call “know-it-alls” gets in the way of my seeing the kindness that lurks somewhere in their being. Surely their kindness must be hidden in some crevice behind the ego that insists on being front and center when dealing with others.

Don’t get me wrong, I love learning about things I know nothing about from people who possess deep knowledge and expertise that I lack. Just this week, I was taught at least a little about string theory, the law of thermodynamics and the Aether theories of Stephen Hawking. That’s truly heady and complicated stuff for a nearly 75-year-old musician and woodworker to grasp. I’m glad the folks telling me about those theories know what they are talking about. They make me want to dig deep and learn more. The gleam in their eyes as they talked about them make me eager to learn more.

Each of us has our own areas of expertise. I can share how to help a choir sing from their hearts with complete understanding of how the text and music combine in a perfect message to those who hear it sung. I can talk about putting a block of wood on the lathe and working with it to see exactly what shape it wants to take; what it reveals it wants to be. I can talk about Celtic spirituality and the teachings left behind by Pelagius and Eriugenia, and compare them to Augustinian teachings. I can talk about “thin places” and other things that most folks don’t really care about hearing. But God, please prevent me from being a “sexual intellectual.”

We can share our areas of expertise with one another while being kind. Kindness has nothing to do with intelligence and knowledge. It has to do with compassion. It has to do with being able to have empathy for another human being and their own struggles.

Kindness is foundational to life. All of life is built upon relationships. During Lent this year, I wrote an entire 40 day series of devotions dedicated to seeking shalom in our world. Shalom is that peace that can only be found when there is peace with God, peace with neighbor and peace within ourselves. Shalom is complete peace, and it can only be found through attention to relationships.

It was a conversation I had with a health care provider this week that provoked me into writing this essay. At one point we turned to insurance coverage for medical procedures. I made the mistake of sharing my experience with for-profit medical coverage versus Medicare with a supplement. I expressed my belief that Medicare for all would be a great solution. I understood his points against it. We see the issue from two entirely different perspectives. But then he said that the way to fix the system is to not cover people whose life choices included things like smoking that resulted in cancer. If that choice is made, they just have to pay out of pocket for any care they receive. “None of us should be required to pay for their mistake.” The conversation ended abruptly. There were so many things I should have said, but chose not to say. His conviction runs counter to everything I value in life.

I left the encounter a little shaken. What could cause someone who has taken the Hippocratic oath, has chosen to be a healer of physical ills, has chosen a career that cares for the needs of seriously hurt people, to develop such an attitude of condemnation for those who make a bad life choice? I hope that one day we can resume our conversation and I can find out the answer to that question.

We are all walking wounded. We all make stupid mistakes in our lives. None of us is perfect. None of us is God. We each have at least some responsibility for one another. And we each deserve grace. I am a firm believer in grace because I have needed a lot of grace in my own life.

Sadly, I find the attitude of that provider to be prevalent in our world today. We seem to have become a people filled with deeply held prejudices which we have no difficulty in sharing. We’re ready to lay fault and blame while hoping no one notices that we are doing so behind an ego that is so fragile, or so filled with self-righteousness or fear, that we need a scapegoat for what ails us.

The prejudices we hold create our own self-inflicted wounds. Driving the “judgment train” is a dangerous trip to take. It can easily turn around to run over us.

One can be intelligent without being kind. One can be kind without being intelligent. Hopefully in our journey through this life, we can learn to be both.

May you find Shalom today. Look for kindness. You will find it.

© Ron Sinclair, 2026. Sinclair is a retired church musician and solo performer. Sinclair writes about aging, retirement, ‘the church,’ his farm, family and anything else he considers of interest. “Be Kind” Photo by Adam Nemeroff on Unsplash